This week our focus is Principle 7: Don’t Set A Boundary Unless You are Determined to Stick to It.
This principle turns boundary setting on its head!
Many families have been told by every advisor, professional, and treatment center they have worked with, that the problem is that they have to set boundaries with their loved ones and until they do, nothing will get better.
Yet in the BALM, families learn “Don’t set a boundary unless you are determined to stick to it” and then BALM family members do the inner work of BALM that will allow them to be strong enough to do so while still coming from a place of love and connection.
As you think about setting boundaries, remember this:
1. You set a boundary for yourself. To protect your property, your time, your person, and your preferences. You get to decide what you will and will not allow into your experience and setting a boundary is the way you do that.
2. Leverage is a tool you can use to help your loved ones make decisions that will benefit their recovery. It is a negotiating process, best done with the help of professionals (at the beginning especially). Learn more about this in the Principle One Lesson "You have a crucial role to play in your loved one's recovery."
3. So, don't think that setting boundaries is something you do for your loved one's benefit or to control them. Not at all. Boundaries are there to help YOU, though they can set the stage for a healthier, less chaotic life for the entire family. Part of what helps our BALM families gain the strength to use leverage and set powerful boundaries is the excellent education they receive not only from the BALM principles and steps but also from the experts who we interview every week on the Daily BALM.