Unless you are psychic, you probably don't know exactly what will occur with the people in your life or in the larger world.
Yet, if you love someone struggling with a use disorder, you can increase the odds of their moving toward recovery.
How? By getting out of your own denial and engaging them in a loving way that doesn't fold in the face of their denial.
In the BALM, we say, "Believe your ears and eyes and not the lies."
While lies, or untruths, are often a reflection of a loved one's inability to face the truth about their substance use disorder or other use disorder, the facts can help them do so.
Facts describe exactly what is happening. When shared with a person engaged in a use disorder in the loving way we teach in the BALM, facts have the power to open a person's awareness to reality bit by bit, conversation by conversation.
Key to the ability to have a BALM conversation is the family member knowing what the facts are, jotting them down, sharing them in a loving way and not folding when the loved one says things like:
- What? Are you crazy? - I would never do that. - Mom, you know me better than that...
The answer a person who believes their eyes and ears gives is something like this: "Sweetheart. I love you so much. And I know what I am seeing and hearing. The facts are not up for discussion. They are just the facts. I'm just reporting them to you. I love you sweetheart. Ready for lunch?"
Of course, there is so much to learn in order to be able to deliver facts without emotion, without folding, with love. We’ve been talking about this process over the last several weeks in our Holiday Support Calls. And those calls continue this week:
For Families: - Wednesdays at 11:00 a.m. E.T - Fridays at 1:00 p.m. E.T.
For Individuals with Use Disorder: - Tuesdays at 10:00 a.m. E.T. - Thursdays at 9:00 p.m. E.T.
If you are ready to join the BALM Family Recovery Program or if you still have questions, give us a call at 1-888-998-2256 Ext 3 and Karen will answer your questions and get you signed up!
Happy New Year! And remember - Be A Loving Mirror
About the author
Beverly Buncher, MA, PCC, CBFRLC, CTPC, known as the "Foremost Family Recovery Life Coach in the Nation", is the Founder and CEO of Family Recovery Resources, LLC, and the BALM® (Be A Loving Mirror®) Institutes for Family Recovery Coach Training and Family Recovery Education.